The golden age of Bad Reichenhall is about to begin. I have been through a lot in the past year, but I have also learned a lot. People have tried to take my life and break my heart. My enemies have tried to tarnish my work. But today I stand here, and I know that God saved me for one reason only: to make the Bad Reichenhall Art Academy great again. It is my hope that this painting course will be remembered as the most momentous and magnificent in the history of Reichenhall. This week, I will sign several historic decrees to restore European painting and usher in a new renaissance in the art history of the entire world. This will be nothing less than a revolution of common sense. It is about common sense and healthy art that we want to leave to our children and grandchildren, and of which they will one day be proud.
First, I will declare a state of emergency regarding painting materials and stop the illegal import of unruly bristle brushes. If necessary, we will even deploy our troops. The harmful influence of odourless binders will be curbed, and linseed oil varnish and turpentine will put an end to the dilution and devaluation of our paintings once and for all, making them the most expensive in the world instead.
It is my solemn promise to restore the prestige and glory of this centuries-old saltworks. So help me God!
